As I write this, I am doing my own mental reflections since the truth is, I once read, unless you have lived it as your own truth, then it is heresay, therefore I am always a work in progress.
If I ask, "who am I " - there are many who could give a synopsis of my personality based on past behavior and would even be able to conceptualize in their minds, some notion of what kind of human being I am, but how can that be, when I myself, am in the process of re-learning who I am.
I was indoctrinated with a neat little code-book of behavioral rules, the purpose of which was to make me acceptable in society making no waves and staying within the confines of the box. But who says, what the world thinks I should be, is who I want to be and more importantly, who I truly am? And what if, what they say I should be leaves me restless and unfulfilled?
I was taught to respect my adults, even if they were in the process of destroying my self-esteem. As a child I was expected to be polite and demure, even for their lack of Spiritual understanding and the chipping away at my wholesome sense of self. No back-talking allowed, so we stuffed all the unhappiness within, building a reservoir of negative thoughts and feelings of volcanic proportions.
"The image we have of ourselves comes not from our own direct experience but from the opinions of others. A 'personality' imposed from the outside replacing the individuality that could have grown from within" - Osho
What ends up happening is, most of us have similar viewpoints regarding the dos and don'ts of our existence and though we try to differentiate ourselves by the way we wear our hair or the styling of clothes we choose, where it really matters - true expression of individuality - we look no further than the information already embedded in our subconscious minds. Society has very little tolerance for others with differing perceptions. We ostracize them with labels and stereotypes, dismissing them because they do not have the herd mentality. But what if, these 'abnormal' beings are the ones who have found the secret to their 'individuality' and in so doing, freedom of being?
"We become just another sheep in the herd, unable to move freely and unconscious of our own true identity" - Osho
I am forever grateful for my immense volcano of discontent, as it became the fierce, unstoppable drive to understand why I simply could not accept life as it was presented to me, as my truth. It propelled me to figure out what beliefs brought me so much pain and to infuse my mind with new information so that I learned how to think anew and regain my essence of individuality. The truth therefore is, you don't know me just as I have yet to know myself, as who I was yesterday, may not be who I am today. This inner journey into my subconscious mind is constantly evolving and with it a stream of new levels of consciousness.
"Unless you drop your personality, you will not be able to find your individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by society - a mere social convenience" - Osho
I am walking the path of re-aligning my belief system to embrace Universal principles. This gives birth to new thoughts and behavior which makes using the paradigm of my actions from the past, or even yesterday to define me, meaningless. The practice of awareness is constantly revealing my errors in thinking and with it, new lessons to be learnt and new mind-sets to cement in my moment to moment living.
There is a difference in unconsciously repeating patterns in our thinking we never question, and consciously redirecting our attention towards an innate sense of what feels right and most importantly, learning to trust our inner guidance.
Osho tells an old Zen story about a lion who was brought up by sheep and grew up thinking he was a sheep. One day an older lion took him to a pond and showed him his own reflection. We are that lion, made to believe that we are sheep. The sheep moves in the crowd, the lion moves alone. We are born lions but society has programmed us to be sheep, with a molded personality.
Today, as I gaze into that pond, loving every new facet of who I am staring back at me, I lift up my head, throw back my mane... and roar.
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