The most challenging phase of labor is called transition. It is the moment when life force totally has its way with the woman giving a new life to the world, when the emerging being moves from within the womb, down into the birth canal. The pain is at its most intense, and a force that cannot be escaped has its grip on the mother. She has no option but to surrender herself to God, and to her helpers, and breathe this new being into the world.
We sometimes find ourselves in transitions in life. Our torment can seem unendurable, and the process continues, impervious to our efforts to ease it. In our feeling of helplessness, we cry out to God, and we lean on the loving hands around us. And somehow, we survive it, and the new self we labor to breathe into life, comes forth.
I never believed that at my age I would be called upon to bear such events, or make such radical life changes. But in this pain, and amidst these permanent losses, doors are opening.
I remember my treasured grandmother, and the gentle ladies her age. Were in a member of her generation, I would be well on my way to becoming an old woman, settling in at home, and winding down my responsibilities. I look at my hands, and I see the physical signs of age. But I touch my spirit, and I know I am still...just me.
This last year I have lost much of what I loved best, much of what I held onto to define me. Some of those most preious to me in this world are no longer with me. But I stood the test. I stood on the crossroads, and I chose to remain, and keep moving forward, to redefine myself not by my losses, but by my choice to reclaim life. The Holy Mother has stood beside me during this transition murmuring, "I too knew loss." .
With God's help I understood that the way to reclaim our life is to give our life away. I know I have much yet to give, much still to be given. I had the beautiful fortune last year to spend six wonderful months in the lovely land of Romania. How could I grasp then, that that time, and those dear souls I met there, would turn out to be God's saving grace to get me through this dark time. Romania calls and I return now at last to satisfy a hope of being a part of these delightful people's futures. By August I willbe back in my much loved Romania, sitting with my dear friend, and eating our dinner together...sharing the earthy pleasures of mamaliga and goat cheese, and maybe if I am lucky, a little tuica.
I must honor my treasured son David, who walks the road less traveled, and who has been a brick in my foundation for his whole life. Dave you are a true heart; you have given me the most honest, most powerful, purest love any human being has ever been blessed with. For now and for always, you are a guiding light on my path. I could not have made it without you.
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Check in with Carolyn Blake to see how she is learning new skills and continuing with ongoing personal growth in her walk through a new life. Written April, 2008