Building Block no.1: Talk About Everything without Attaching Yourself at the Hip. You need to start telling your partner about your life. You will need to tell your wife or husband where you will be during the day. You must share information regarding your work. You need to open up and talk about your life. You must be sincere and forthcoming, and you must share information freely. If you tell about your day, but make it look as if you are being coerced or as if you were reporting to a superior, you are breaching the essence of transparency and will cause the reverse effect on your marriage. This is a very meaningful step to build trust and honesty after an affair.
Building Block no.2: Develop a No-Lies Policy and Disclose Everything. This building block is a two-step action for cleansing your relationship. If your marriage has been frequented by lies, you must clean out that grime to get a fresh start. I suggest you start by "flushing the toilet." What that means is getting everything you have ever lied about into the open. Once you have achieved this (which will require a series of conversations, time, and a number of specific techniques to ensure it is done correctly), you will have a starting point to rebuild the trust and honesty. Then, you make the choice, inside yourself, not ever to lie to your spouse again, and you do everything you can to maintain that internal commitment.
Building Block no.3: Utilizing Suspicions to Identify Problems. Suspicion is a very demanding problem in a relationship where somebody has had an affair or lied to his partner over time. In this case, the person who has been lied to has reasonably developed mistrust. This results in suspiciousness.To get over your suspicions it's essential to acquire a "suspicion filter" to inspect your suspecting thoughts and feelings. This really consists of two parts: excluding unlikely suspicions before you act on them and talking to your partner when an action or issue is significant enough to make its way past your "suspicion filter."
Building Block no.4: Candidly Communicate Your Feelngs and Thoughts to Build Trust and Honesty. By discussing your feelings and thoughts honestly you avoid building up resentments , because you notify your partner right away when your feelings are hurt, when something makes you unhappy, when you are unsettled in some way, about things you plan, and about things you cherish and dislike.
Building Block no.5: Keep the Door Open. There are both verbal and nonverbal means that you can shut out someone and give the impression that either you do not want to talk with this person or you feel that what the person is sharing is unimportant. Keeping the communication channel open means avoiding these behaviors to shut your partner out. You can find out what to steer clear of and how to do it so you can maintain transparency in your relationship by continuing to make use of Building Blocks 1-4..
Once you have restored the trust and honesty in your marriage using transparency, you can preserve the work you have done by constructing a fence around your relationship.
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