Forgiveness Acknowledges the Hurt. A number of people think that forgiveness means pretending that the indiscretion did not cause mental pain. Failing to acknowledge the suffering of your partner's infidelity is like suffering from a toothache but resisting to go to the dentist. You ought to admit to yourself and to your partner that you are distressed. Being forthright about your pain can be just the push your partner needs to participate in the healing and restoration. During the confrontation you must attest in no uncertain terms that your better half's betrayal had tormented you terribly, maybe beyond repair. By acknowledging that you are hurt, you are in a position to exercise forgiveness.
Forgiveness Releases the Offense and the Offender. This will surely take a bit of time. Questions must be asked and answered candidly. Feelings need to be experienced and communicated in an honest manner. This will not happen overnight but in time you will be able to forgive. Does your spouse deserve forgiveness? Maybe or maybe not. Will it be easy? No, it will be gut-wrenching. Absolving your partner means opting not to chastise him or her, not to seek revenge, either openly or hush-hush and not to exact retribution for what he or she did. You will get an immense payoff when you let your partner of the hook and both you and your spouse are the recipients.
Forgiveness Relinquishes Resentment. Resentment is an internal dragon that roars nasty suggestions like, "Get back at him/her" or "Don't ever forget what he/she did to you". In order to let go of the breach of trust, you need to let go of the resentment. Resentment feeds hostility and it will prevent you from healing. It weakens our sense of understanding and undermines the healing of our hearts.
Forgiveness Is an Act of Grace. Forgiveness is primarily an deed of grace, a gift of love. You can't work for grace. You can't jump through the right hoops to earn it. You can't polish your performance in order to deserve it. Grace is just a gift. Forgiveness means allowing your spouse a second shot, not because he or she is worthy of it, but because you decide to extend grace to your partner.
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